The bug finally bit me! I haven’t shared a Becoming Bella post in a while (I start every BB post with that, don’t I?! LOL), but man oh man have I had some things to get off my chest and into the world. Some recent lessons, failures, triumphs, and ah-ha moments that will hopefully make their way to the ears of those who need to hear them…
Life, you guys. What is life? What is the right way to do life? My life is anything but traditional. It’s fairly inconsistent, it’s not exactly “stable”, and it’s so far from the norm. I never in a million years imagined that I’d be where I am today. I made a timeline when I was in college (on a piece of paper…literally a physical timeline) mapping out the acceptable age range for every major milestone:
- 21-22: Get a cool job! At Cosmo or UsWeekly (I wanted to be Andie Anderson and LOVED celeb gossip)
- 22-24: Eligible for engagement. (I vividly remember using the word “eligible” LOFL. Omg.)
- 24-25: Get married & buy a house (25yo home owner…ambitious)
- 25-27: Have first child (Okay…)
- 27-29: Have second child (Two?!)
- 31-33: Have third child (HOLD YOUR HORSES GF!)
What was I doing at that time…
Guess what I don’t have right now:
A traditional “job”, a house, a husband, or 3 children.
And in the weirdest most bizarre freaking way…I know I wasn’t supposed to have those things already. It has taken me so, so long to learn to trust the timing of my life and it’s the most frustrating, aggravating, irritating, hair-pulling thing I’ve ever done. I’ve always been someone who wants something and goes for it, someone who makes things happen for herself. What I’ve come to realize is the big things in life…a fulfilling career, a happy husband, a beautiful home, and a few children aren’t the things I can just “make happen”. Those things take a little more time, at least to be done in the way that I want them to be.
Society puts everyone, especially women, under so much pressure. Which is unfortunate. If I told you that being an unmarried 29 year old woman with no children was easy, I would be LYING. Everybody kind of expects that of you at this point. Now my personal life isn’t something I usually dive into because …it’s personal lol. But I do feel that there are a lot of women in similar boats who probably feel the same way. There really shouldn’t be any shame in the situation, but shame is something I’ve felt many times before. And don’t get me wrong…talk of marriage, our own home, and children is not off the table, it’s something that is actively discussed with my partner. We’re on the same page; it’s hard, but important to remember that that’s the only thing that matters. It’s our life, our timeline, and we’re doing things our way.
In turn, we’ve both been able use this time selfishly. I’ve been able to build a little business doing something that I absolutely love. Something that is rapidly growing, and proving to be a sustainable career. When I look back at my proposed “timeline” and think of where that life would have led me, I cringe. Because in this strange way, even back then, I knew I wanted more.
And please let me state that that there is nothing wrong with that timeline or “the norm”…absolutely nothing at all. There are so many people who are completely content with their lives and I admire them…because at the end of the day, we are all seeking the same thing. Of course health and financial stability are key players, but I think the most difficult thing to attain is happiness. It doesn’t matter if you want to be a superstar, an admin, a CEO, or a stay at home Mom, if you’re happy, you’ve done life right. It’s just taken me a little longer to realize what my happy was going to be.
When I look back at my life thus far, I know that things are playing out as they’re meant to. Someone has a bigger plan for me and it’s being put into action. Maybe the things I thought I always wanted weren’t the only things I was meant to have.
Like everyone, I have up and down days. Unfortunately, when you’re working towards dreams that seem larger than life your up days feel like a Super Bowl win and your down days feel like …death. Balancing those emotions can be hard, but most days I wake up first and foremost feeling grateful. Grateful for my health, my family, a handful of the most kind and supportive friends, a loving boyfriend who is truly my number 1, a safe place to live, the ability to pay my bills, and the opportunity to spend my days doing something that I love.
It’s important to know that everyone’s cards don’t align at the same pace. Your deck may have stacked perfectly at 25. Someone else’s may be lost in the junk drawer. Mine was about a quarter of the way assembled when I decided to throw the whole thing on the floor and play 52 pick up. And that is okay, it really, really is.
My entire life my Mom has told me that I was her slow and steady child. I wasn’t the very best, or the very first, but I was persistent. And I think that continuing to have persistence and patience is going to lead me to my ultimate happiness, scratch that…I know it is. 🙂
If you are feeling a little lost in life, a little stuck, a little uninspired, I really encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and do something about it. You have every opportunity at your fingertips, you have the ability to create a life that you love, and you deserve to find your happy. Maybe you think it’s too late, but that’s never the case…it has taken you this long for a reason. You weren’t ready then, but you can be ready now. Trust the timing of your life!
It’s honestly so difficult hitting publish on these posts, but this is actually my life right now …and I think it’s really important to be honest and share some of the things that I’ve struggled with because I know so many other women struggle with them too. I don’t want to be afraid to start a discussion or offer a word of encouragement, we’re all in this together!
I love you guys and appreciate your friendships and support so, so much.