37.

For me, my birthday serves as a little performance review, a life check-in if you will. I personally don’t mind it! The older I get, the more grateful I am to see another year. I turn 37 today (I think that may be the first time I’ve said that out loud) and it feels like a big one. When you start to feel the next decade creeping up on you, it’s hard not to reflect on where you are in life and what you need to do to steer yourself in the direction that you hope to go. I woke up really early this morning and felt like blogging. I’m a little hesitant to post this, but I kind of think it’s important to!

Absolutely everything in my life began to change 10 years ago. When I woke up on my 27th birthday, I was kind of fed up. I had been living completely out of alignment and knew that I needed to start making changes as I inched closer to 30 if I wanted my life to be mine. So I did. I spent the following year diving in head first to see what I was capable of. It was the first time I realized how powerful humans are. How our thoughts shape our reality, and how we can make anything happen.

To be honest, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. Truthfully, I wanted a husband and children, but that wasn’t happening anytime soon, so I instead decided to prove to myself that I could do create something that was all my own. So I passionately pursued my blog, Instagram, and YouTube channel! It was 2015 and women were starting to become “influencers” before the term was properly coined. The waters were completely uncharted, it was a free for all, the wild wild west. Brands were desperately trying to navigate this shift in marketing and advertising, while content creators were taking advantage of the small pool for hire. I threw caution and shame to the wind and went for it! I was so out of my comfort zone in the best way, but it all began to manifest. Suddenly I found my online accounts rapidly growing. Like, really fast! I rode that wave for about 3-4 years and then it all kind of plateaued.

Once these social platforms figured out how to monetize their users, everything shifted for me. I could not jive with the algorithm, I was trying, but could not play the game like others were. I still don’t know how, to be honest. The energy around social media felt different. Opening up and being myself wasn’t as easy as it was before. Fast forward to COVID and everything changed for everyone. Like a lot of people, I had some kind of a spiritual awakening. I began to question everything. If there was a rabbit hole, I was down it. When the only world you’ve ever known is flipped on it’s head, how can you NOT question everything? I continued to make content that I felt so disconnected from while behind the scenes, I was delving into something much deeper. Around this time, I had discovered Human Design and it helped me understand life and myself so much better. I encourage everyone to discover their profile!

I found out that I was born a 5/2, specific, emotional manifestor and learning that made so many things click for me. The great thing about having a defined throat center, is that you truly have the ability to speak things into existence! The bad thing is – you actually have to do it. I feel like my throat has been in a chokehold the last 5 years. The world has become so quick to critique and cancel that I’d rather shut my mouth than speak my truth. Fortunately, age and motherhood gives you a sense of confidence and gumption that you never – or always – knew you had.

This feels so random to talk about, but birthdays stir up all the feelings for me! I’ve grown into such a different version of myself and it’s hard to admit that I’ve changed – especially when it comes to showing up online. Guys, the nail stuff does not do it for me. I can’t even explain how removed I feel from that world. Don’t get it twisted, I still LOVE to do my nails and find it fun to chat about, but spending time making content about it just doesn’t feel right at all. Admitting that is hard because I don’t want to disappoint or let anyone down! Like my 27 year old self did 10 years ago, I woke up feeling first and foremost extremely grateful, I am living inside of an answered prayer – the life I always dreamed. One that I thank God for every single day! But also, kind of fed up. The difference is that this time around, I don’t feel like I have anything to prove, I just feel like I need to be myself! It’s okay to shed the things that don’t feel like you anymore and lean into the things that do …and that’s my goal for the next 10 years! For forever, really.

The world is shifting right now and I feel like my journey thus far has been preparing me for it. It feels really uncomfortable to share this post and I’ve basically convinced myself that nobody cares. However, I’m shutting that voice down because that is what’s holding me back. We live in a time where we know too much about each other – but we’re not connecting over the things that truly matter. Right now, I’m feeling so called to speak in a really honest way and I don’t want to deny myself that urge – because if my past has taught me anything, speaking up and showing up is the only way to make the moves you need to make to up-level your life. I hope that sharing the musings in my head will encourage someone else to share the musings in theirs so that they can better align their life too. The magic happens when you’re aligned!

I still don’t know exactly what I want, but I do know that by channeling my energy into the things that light me up, I will end up where I’m meant to be. It’s been a fool proof method thus far!

I wanted to finally get these thoughts out of my head and into the universe because I’m ready for what’s next. Life right now is all about chasing anything and everything that feels good, embracing motherhood, and giving myself permission to embrace the new woman that was born with her baby.

I know this will all continue to unfold and I want to dive deeper into some of these things, but today, I’m looking forward to spending my birthday with my family and enjoying every single moment because nothing else matters. ◡̈

XOXO